Only You in The Light (The EPIC Saga)
Clarity and context: I wrote these 2 following pieces a couple months after a breakup I went through last year. Part 1 I believe I wrote in January-ish, then part 2 was written in April-ish.
Going to repost these 2 together like a series with a “notice” of sorts because some people, especially ………. the guy that these are written about……., miss out on the significant bit that we will never happen again!!! + It’s bothered me lately that I don’t shed as much light as I should on what would make hitting this guy up again problematic.…….And I mean also what if gasp the baddies I talk to gaspgasp stalk me and find my blog and start getting insecure because of how lovingly I write?!?!?!
Listen.
He cheated on me!!!
I cannot look at this guy or even interact with him without bursting into tears (And also Bro is 800 miles away from me anyway LOL)!!! Thinking about it takes me over with the most nauseating, debilitating sadness! I was literally in his area last month and I tried my best to not feel awful while I was on vacation. However, I live in what might be the delusional duality where I can be long, long over him yet also lament for what once was:P
So why do I keep these up??? Why were they so pleasantly written at all if that were the case??? Valid questions!
I’M PROUD OF THEM!!! Perhaps the 2 writing piece things I’m most thoroughly proud of.
I think it is ok to hold a reverence towards a bond you had with someone when you ended up being wronged. Despite how awful the ending was for me, I don’t believe that loving someone is a waste. It was genuinely really great until it got downright terrible. I think it got so terrible because it was so good.
I’m sorry I’ve written something that in reality was so awful in such a beautiful light. You can call it delusional. That’s probably deserved. My writing is near nothing but a coping mechanism tho, especially during times like I was here where my entire world felt disorienting and bleak after being cheated on. I was truly a mess. I also still hold remorse for my poor handling of any “situationships” I’d get caught up in during this time knowing I wasn’t ready. I was close to anhedonic for months, but being able to craft it so beautifully carried me through. It helped carve out the meaning of what it was to me when I felt like I had nothing.
You couldn’t tell the version of me back then to “write it as it was” or to get me writing as scornful of my ex as possible. You still probably couldn’t now. The view of victimizing myself and/or villainizing the people I date/try to is not one I hold when it comes to the world of relationships. I am able to feel that I was wronged while also acknowledging the other tons of nuances. I’d explain myself more but this is so dang long already, but simply I have my reasons to reject that view (………and I might address this in something I’m trying to write rn lol).
Part 1:
Note: The beach these were taken on was called “Tillicum Beach”?!? HUH?!?!
Part 2:
To conclude, do I still believe this guy is “only in the light and nothing more”? Probably not only him, there’s room for others/other things, but the concept of him that I liked, one with all the good parts and memories of him, are still there.
OK ANYWAY. As I proposed 8 billion years ago during the conception of this here silly billy blog, I will be posting some of my IG story writing on here! It’ll take a bit for me to find them and revamp them, but that’ll be my task from now on🫡🫡
If guy who I wrote this about….is reading……What Are You Doing Here, you silly boy……Your DumbAss Needs To Be Castrated. Hehe. All love🫶 And my shawties who read this? Don't be threatened, I can write this lovingly about you too lipbiteemoji lipbitemeoji (full transparency here, there are no shawties, I'm entering my 869th volcel era. Erm. More on this later)
♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ Mini playlist from the last post🎶:
“There is only you in the light and nothing else” by Ricky Eat Acid
”Lexie” by Deadharrie
”To Wish Impossible Things” by The Cure
”Heartlocket” by Elusin
”Your Arms Are My Home” by Roomer
”Under the Same Name” by Whirr
“A bond made Beyond truth In dreams Where the feelings are mutual”